Yoga + Self Healing
with Nicole Lynne Hooley
with Nicole Lynne Hooley
The Break Up: No, Jake and I didn't break up! However, I am processing the ending of a major business relationship at the moment. This experience has been incredibly eye opening when it comes to conscious relationships and self development. What I am realizing is that all relationships should be treated with the same sort of inquiry and self awareness as when we enter into a romantic one. Whether it be a friendship, a business partnership or a loving life long bond, we have an opportunity to make sure that there is a bond of mutual respect and a balanced exchange of energy. For whatever reason up until now, this has not come online for me. I've been treating many of my relationships as a matter of fact occurrence, not realizing completely that outside of family, the relationships we keep are by choice.
Back in the dating pool: Why don't we have a more romantic approach to our business ties? If your good friend recently broke off a long term relationship you would not urge her to jump into another long term relationship right away. However, when it comes to business we are more than likely to desperately seek out a replacement before we even process why the past business relationship failed to workout. Even when leaving a job we often advise our friends to have another job lined up. Would we advise the same friend to have another lover lined up before they ended things?
It is more than likely, that if you leave one lover directly for another, you will end up once again playing out very similar and undesirable relationship dynamics. The same is true for rushing into a new professional relationship. If I were advising a good friend on ending a romantic relationship I would tell them to take it easy for a while and spend some time processing and healing. I would urge them not rush into anything to serious. I would tell them to go out and enjoy their freedom and let the range of emotions pass through them until the are ready for something new. Don't you think this would be a helpful tactic to use when it comes to your career choices as well?
Second Guessing: We've all been there. We've ended a relationship that we've known wasn't working out for ages and then suddenly we start to doubt our decision. Like clockwork, our memories become super selective and we can only seem to call to mind the good times, the beauty, the potential! Meanwhile at our core we know very well that we are fooling ourselves and that we weren't happy, otherwise we wouldn't be in the place that we currently are. For whatever reason this doubt and anxiety is a major part of our healing process. We need time to understand why it didn't work and what an ideal match, partnership or relationship would entail.
Self Respect and Inner Value: When considering ending a long term relationship of any kind it is an important time to strengthen our confidence and gain clarity on what kind of life we are trying to build for ourselves. Sometimes our relationships can cloud this clarity, which is why it is important to have time to step back and process. Sometimes, relationships that seem doomed can easily be healed through compassionate conversation and proactive life style adjustments. Sometimes, however, relationships have just run there course and its time to let go.
Many of us have been raised to believe that relationships are built on sacrifice and martyrdom. That if a relationship fails, we fail. However, this attitude only weakens us and creates bitterness and repressed aggression. It is in everyone's best interest to build relationships where we feel respected, supported, valued, heard and most importantly understood. It isn't possible to always see eye to eye with someone 100% of the time. However, if you find that there are certain things that are not workable, or that hinder your ability to be your most authentic self, it is probably a good idea to at least step away from the relationship and tap into whether or not you're staying is mirroring the level of self respect and inner value you desire.
For whatever reason certain people are just not compatible. This is not because one is bad or another is good, it is just human nature. When letting go of a relationship it is important to respect your inner truth and knowing. Make sure to listen to the voice inside of you saying "YES, THIS IS IT!" or repetitively screaming "NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT!". It only strengthens our community if we are mindful about our relationships and understand that you can still love someone without being attached romantically or in my case through career ties.
Moving On: You can only move on as soon as you are ready. When it comes to a break up of a long term romantic or business relationship, this can be incredibly scary and difficult due to the sudden loss of security (emotional, financial...), however, people figure it out! Sometimes we need to just trust that the path will be presented to us and not force ourselves to stay in something, that doesn't serve our inner voice/truth, against our will. In relationships this doesn't always need to mean breaking up for good. Sometimes people just need a long break or time to process. Sometimes people will break up for years and get back together when they feel like they had the time to work on theirselves and heal. And in come cases, once the relationship is over... it's just that, over. No matter the case, we must let the healing process begin.
The Present Moment: I for one, never want to have any of my relationships continue out a place of fear. I also do not want to start new ones out of fear either. This is how we end up wasting years of our lives unhappy. So the process of moving on needs to be organic. When you are ready to seriously start dating again you are careful to not see every interested suitor as your soulmate. The same is true when getting back in the interviewing pool. Just because someone/something is available doesn't make it right. However, when you find the right one... You. Just. Know.
With that said, I am honoring where I am in my journey and taking the summer to let me heart heal and process. I am dedicated to enjoying my freedom and maybe playing the field a bit when I am ready. Until then my heart is cracked open and I have nothing but love for all my relationships past, present and future. I know that I have gained, healed and learned so much from every single one. I have zero regrets, only infinite love and boundless gratitude! Wow, what a freaking journey this whole life thing is!
With love & blessings,
Yoga & Reiki Guide
Brooklyn based Yoga & Reiki Teacher, Cole Hooley, specializes in Personal Empowerment & Self Healing inspired Yoga Classes, Workshops, Retreats & Reiki Trainings. Her Reiki & Intuitive Healing sessions have been called "an hour of unconditional love". Nicole has been highlighted by Huffington Post and YogaCityNYC.
Easy Moon Salutations & Good Mood Yoga: