"I am exactly where I am meant to be; otherwise I would not be here"
It was about a decade ago when I came across this mantra by chance. I was sitting on my recently deceased grandmother's bed in my mother's basement... in crisis. I had called my grandmother "mom". I lived with her since middle school and was very attached to her since birth. She helped my mother a lot when I was an infant. On this day, I had recently moved most of our belongings out of our home and into my mother's basement so that I could be freed of the burden of paying a mortgage at 20 years old. I was still in college, a sophomore.
I cried deeply because I missed my mom (read: grandmother). She was the only responsible adult I ever had in my life. I was so desperate to be cared for... and she was gone. While I sat in the basement of my mother's home, my childhood abuser was upstairs with my family. I felt so sick in every inch of my body. It was incredibly difficult to breathe, let alone to not explode. I had moved in with my grandmother in middle-school in response to the abuse I was experiencing from step father, as well as other difficulties I was facing at home. At this time, my mother and step father had been split up for nearly 7 years... And now, here I was back in my mother's house for the first time, my grandmother was gone, and he was there.
It felt like a sick joke.
WHY? Who was going to care for me? Protect me? Why would God let this happen?
Following my grandmother's death, in my loneliness, I found myself relying on synchronicity quite often. I felt that it was my way of maintaining communication with her and with God. Around this time, I would often look up at a book shelf or random table, and a random book stand out. I would pick it up and find words highlighted from my grandmother. This would soothe my anguish.
On that day, in the basement, I desperately looked around for an answer. I came across an old book in a box. It was falling apart, but the title was clear. It was called "The Cosmic Power Within You." It had been my grandmother's. I opened it and found that it was filled with high vibrational prayers for every problem in life. Many where longer than I could commit to memory. However, the messages that I have lived with internally since that moment are still present with me today.
1. I am a channel of Cosmic Power (God) and I am here to serve
2. I am exactly where I am supposed to be, otherwise I would not be here.
3. I am planting seeds with my thoughts, actions and words.
In that moment, I realized that my discomfort was an invitation from the universe to learn a lesson. It became incredibly clear that I was not meant to live in my home town. That I had more I was meant to do...
Today, I am still figuring it all out day by day. However, if not for that incredibly upsetting yet powerful moment I may not be living my dream life. If not for my grandmother passing, I may not have ever found authentic spirituality. If not for the abuse I suffered as a child I may not have ever developed such a close and sacred bond with my grandmother. If not for all my suffering, I may not have truly appreciated the magnificence of the life I am now living.
So today, I want you to look at your life. In this moment, take it in. You don't need to figure it all out. Ease your heart and mind; remind yourself that you are exactly where you are supposed to be! Try to trust and understand that even though you don't know where everything is going, this moment is completely necessary for the masterpiece that is your life.
With love and light,
Nicole Lynne Hooley
Yoga, Reiki & Intuitive Healing
Brooklyn based Yoga Instructor & Reiki Healer, Nicole specializes in teaching Personal Empowerment & Self Healing inspired Yoga Classes, Workshops & Reiki Trainings throughout Brooklyn. Her Reiki & Intuitive Healing sessions have been called "an hour of unconditional love". Nicole has been highlighted by Huffington Post and YogaCityNYC.
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